Losing Your Memory  Songfic  Dov Centric
by Sellons
Summary: Episode 2.05 Stung. Has a different ending for Dov.


_**Call all your friends and tell them I'm never coming back.**_

_**Cause this is the end, pretend that you want it don't react.**_

Dov stood on the IED. He was so nervous that his whole life was going to be over. He needed to stay still, but at the same time the minute he realized what was going on he started shaking like a leaf. Chris was going to find the switch... oh who the hell was he kidding Chris was going to do the right thing. Chris always did the right thing. He was probably upstairs or outside calling in for back up. It was the right thing to do Dov knew it.

"You're gonna make it out of this Epstein just keep your cool." Dov mumbled to himself. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the lump of nervousness quickly forming in his throat making his mouth feel like someone had shoved a bag of cotton balls in it. He was going to go on and serve and protect another day he knew it. He just had to.

"Dov," Chris said as he re-entered the basement. Dov could tell that Chris was worried it was in his tone. It didn't make Dov feel any better but he knew that Chris cared and his heart was in the right place. Chris's heart always in the right place. "Backup is on its way bomb squad too. You just need to stay calm I'm gonna be here with you the whole way."

"No man, you need to go. If this thing goes off."

"It won't."

"It could I'm shaking like a leaf. You need to go now Chris."

The two men shared a look that said how much they cared for each other they were like brothers. Not only on the job but off the job too, they were roommates best friends. They decided to serve and protect together. Hell, Chris was the only person in Dov's life who supported his decision to wear the blues and walk the beat. It meant a lot to him. Dov had lost his brother, Adam. When he decided to he had decided to end his life. Then his parents couldn't even stand to be in the same room together. But there was always one constant in everything, they hated cops. So when he told them separately of course that his plan was to join the academy they weren't supportive. Dov's dad begged him to change his mind. Told him it was too dangerous, and Dov's mom actually cried and said she couldn't bear to lose her other child.

"I can't leave you man." Chris's voice broke Dov from his thoughts. Dov could hear the sirens and feel the tears welling in his eyes. "Back-up is here. I'm not going."

_**The damage is done.**_

_**The police are coming too slow now.**_

Dov looked Chris straight in the eyes holding back his tears. Putting on the bravest face he could muster. "If you don't go Gail's gonna kill me."

The comment made Chris smile slightly, "If you don't stop moving she won't have to."

Dov reached his arm out and clasped Chris's shoulder in his hand. What he was about to say was going to be hard, he did like the idea of Chris staying. But he knew it was selfish. Chris had to go, there was no way of knowing what type of bomb was under his feet. It could be really bad, could be anything. Dov knew Chris had to wait outside.

"You've been the best friend I've ever had, man," He had to add the man to make it manlier. "You aren't going to die here today. If you stay down here, it's just gonna make it harder for Bomb Squad to do their job. You have to go outside. I'll be there soon. We'll go to the penny later, have a drink and a really awesome story to tell the ladies."

"No man I can't do that." Chris wanted to be with Dov. To make sure that he was going to be okay.

"If you don't leave now, they are just going to make you leave when you get down there. Listen, Gail is probably up there worried about you. You go be with her she needs you right now. Me, I'll be just fine. Like I said penny later."

"Penny later." Chris said just before a woman entered the room with two men in full bomb squad gear standing behind her.

"Officer Diaz, Officer Epstein," The woman began. She wasn't in full bomb gear. "My name is Sue, Office Diaz you're going to have to leave. Constable Barnes and Constable Jenkins will take you outside."

_**I would have died.**_

_**I would have loved you all my life.**_

Dov told Chris that it was okay, he needed to go. Go tell Gail that they'd be going to the penny later and recant about the events of the day. The awesome sting operation and how they survived a booby trapped meth house. The two men shared a solemn look then the two constables took Chris out of the room, and out of the house.

"How are you doing?" Sue asked her eyes calm, everything about her was calm. Dov didn't quite understand how she could be so calm in this situation but it also oddly made him feel at ease.

"Well, I've been better."

Sue sat down the sandbags she had. "The first thing we are going to see is see exactly what you're standing on." She opened the bag that one of her co-workers had left behind and pulled out a skinny metal object with a mirror attached to the end. "This is just standard procedure we need to know what you're standing on so we know how to effectively disarm it. But we will disarm it."

She took a few steps forward towards Dov and slowly began lowering the mirror into the crevasses around the plank Dov was standing on.

"So, why don't you tell me how a guy named Dov became a police officer."

"Dov's Hebrew for bear it's actually a really manly name."

Dov almost smiled until he noticed that Sue became distracted. She also quickly retracted the mirror.

"Dov you need to stay extremely still, even the slightest shift in weight could cause this to go off."

Sue turned around to go back to her bag.

"Wait, Sue, what am I standing on?"

He could tell that Sue didn't want to tell him, it was plastered all over her face. The calm that she had instilled before was gone. It was replaced by fear, Dov was fairly certain it was fear.

"You're standing on a land mind, a bounding mine. The safest way to get you off of it is to find the small hole to repin it."

"You can do that right? You can find the hole?" Dov was beginning to worry more than he was before. He didn't want to die, he still had so much living left to do. He wanted to get married have kids. He hadn't done any of that, hell, who was he kidding he was so far away from doing that. Now he might never get the chance to do it.

"I can try, it's really small. With the limited space I have to work. We can make it work Dov, you just need to stay completely still. Can you do that?"

All Dov could muster was a small nod.

_**Where have you gone?**_

_**The beach is so cold in winter here.**_

"So how's it going down there?" Nervousness tainted Dov's tone as he asked the question he wasn't really sure he wanted an answer to.

"I'm sorry Dov." Sue said as she got up from the ground.

"Sorry? What do you mean sorry? You can't find the hole, you said it's small right?"

Sue nodded, "I did say it was small, but, I found the hole. Whoever put it there glued the hole shut. I can't even touch it, and the weight transfer that will set it off. The slightest shift in pressure."

"Wh—Wh—What are you saying?"

_**Where have I gone?**_

_**I wake in Montauk with you near.**_

"Sam, what is going on down there? We haven't heard anything. No one is telling us anything." Andy and Dov were close. Like brother and sister. They had been practically since they met. If something happened to Dov, if anything. It would – no Andy you can't go there Dov will be fine.

"McNally, I don't know." Sam turned around to face her. He immediately saw the tears in her eyes that were threatening to escape. He reached out one of his hands grasping her hand in his. "He'll be okay."

Andy took a couple of steps forward closing the distance between them, she wrapped her free arm around his neck and just let the tears fall. Dov had to be okay.

"He'll make it." Gail said to Chris and Traci. She meant it, Dov wasn't going to die on her. Not on any of them. Not on Chris. Not on Traci. Not on Andy. No on Shaw. Not on anybody. Dov had to be fine, he was going to be fine. Gail had never lost anyone close to her before, she wasn't about to start now.

"All units pull back." The voice came over the radio.

Everyone on the street turned to the house.

_**Remember the day**_

_**Cause this is what dreams should always be**_

Dov closed his eyes for a moment. He knew that this was indeed the end. There was nothing anyone could do to save him.

"_Come on Dovvy, hurry up and open your present." Dov's mom was excited. Dov's 17__th__ birthday. It felt like she was building up something the whole week. Adam even knew about it but didn't tell Dov. They normally shared everything. _

_Dov's mom handed him a little box. Big enough to hold a watch. _

"_Dov open it man, I can't keep the secret much longer." Adam chimed in. _

_A smile took over Dov's face and he opened the little box. In it lied car keys. "Seriously?" Dov squeeled out in excitement. "A car, I'm getting a car?"_

"_You are, your grandma and I got it for you. Look outside cause it's out there."_

_**I just want to stay.**_

_**I just want to keep this dream in me.**_

"My boss told me to try the weight transfer." Sue said as she picked up the sandbags. "You need to listen to me, stay calm. Listen to my instructions. If it works great if it doesn't."

Dov cut her off before she could continue, "Come to the penny with me after. For a drink. My treat."

Sue smiled at him, "I'll be there."

Sue slowly set the sandbags down between Dov's feet. Then she moved and grabbed both of his hands, extending his arms out to her.

_**Wake up it's time little girl wake up.**_

_**All the best of what we've done is yet to come.**_

_**Wake up it's time little girl wake up.**_

_**Just remember who I am in the morning.**_

"Take one step towards me whenever you're ready. We can take all the time you need."

"No, you should go in case."

Their eyes met, both knew what could happen. They had all but said it before, and here they were again dong the same thing. They could both die if she stayed. If he just stayed then he'd just die. He'd be there all alone and only him.

"This is my job Dov, just take the step whenever you're ready."

Dov nodded, and with that he lifted one foot off the plank and onto the ground beside it. Right in front of Sue. There was no sound, nothing, this caused both of them to relax a little. There was still another foot Dov had to lift off the plank. So he wasn't completely at ease. Wouldn't be until he got the hell out of the house and was outside shaking hands with his follow coppers. With that he lifted off his other foot.

_**You're losing your memory now.**_

_**You're losing your memory now.**_

_**You're losing your memory.**_

Everyone was outside waiting. Each second, minute, moment, it all felt like an eternity. No one had talked in a long time. All of them silently waiting any news. Any kind of sign that Dov was going to make it out alive. Having been told to fall back a few feet what felt like an hour or two ago made everyone very uneasy. They had a feeling Dov's chances were dwindling the longer they didn't hear anything.

"Alright they are beginning the weight transfer." A voice said through a radio. This was it, everyone thought to themselves. This was the moment. He was either going to make it out alive or they were about to witness one of the worst things a copper could witness. Their fellow copper dying, their friend dying, their brother in harms.

Dov looked at Sue stared into her bright brown eyes as he took the final step off of the plank. Then the unexpected happened. There was a clicking noise. Then a loud bang.

Everyone outside heard the loud bang, watched as the house went up into flames. Andy collapsed onto Sam who was standing beside her. Tears were streaming down her face. Sam had some tears forming in his eyes, but he decided he needed to be strong for Andy. He wrapped his arms around his partner. Trying to comfort her.

Gail screamed no and crashed into Chris who was completely shocked, and turned numb. Tears falling from his eyes. He didn't know what to think or even how to feel. Gail and Chris held each other in their arms. Both crying.

Traci held her hand over her face. Tears falling from her eyes. She couldn't believe that this happened. This shouldn't have happened. How could it be over just like that? Dov was gone... it didn't make sense.

Oliver had tears streaming down his face. Noelle did too, Frank walked away and punched a dent into the side of the Bomb Squad's command truck.

Dov Epstein, Rookie of 15 Division. Lost his life in the line of duty.

_**You're losing your memory now.**_

_**You're losing your memory now.**_

_**You're losing your memory now.**_

_**You're losing your memory.**_


End file.
